time

Time, is NOT money.

it never is, and never will be.

time is priceless, it keeps running, but it is not infinite for you and me.

all this while, i’ve always felt like i was dealt the alternative cards in my life. it always felt like i was in the wrong place at the wrong time in whichever stage of life. when people were out living the time of their lives, i was pursuing the little solitary leisures and hobbies. when people start to focus on building their careers, i was pursuing my little kids around the house and managing the family. when people were at that stage of self-enrichment, learning new things and taking up hobbies, i was focused on pursuing and enriching those of my children.

but then, i realized that i shouldnt feel that my cards were the lower hand. in fact, they GIVE me the upper hand in comparison. it is how you spend your time that matters eventually. would i be happier if i had spent my time the conventional way that most people would have? graduate at 20s, party til 30s, slog up the corporate ladder til 50s, maybe get married halfway and have children from 35s, try bonding with them during the weekends or maybe none at all, days passing by in a haze, then retire at 60s and realize that they seem to have grown up too fast, and when finally am ready to slow down, spend more time and be more hands-on with the family, and realize that there really isnt much time left at all.

is that what i want of life?

this undesirable, conventional way of life?

well, maybe not.

actually, definitely not.

after the trials and tribulations and the early struggles of starting a family young, younger than the norm, it made me realize how this matures one thinking so much, and how it makes one become a very selfless person (this theory does not apply to all people). it makes one realize most people out there are still living in their tiny little bubble of me, myself and I. not that it is an atrocity in any sense, but people who are very me-centric, they tend to think the whole world revolves around them and they just dont get the real meaning of life.

but then again, there are people who after being parents, STILL remain very me-centric. those, are the people, whom i have absolutely no respect for and to even be in the same room as them would be an insult to my intelligence. now, i agree that i’m digressing a little. but that’s something i have to get it off my chest.

back to time.

i am happy, because i have reason to. ive been spending my time mostly with people i love, and what is really worth being happy about it is that i am in my youth, in a period of time when i am still young, alert and energetic. and it is this that makes me even more aware that i am enjoying the time spent with my loved ones. if i am now spending most of my time slogging at work to move up in my career and earn more $, sure i can do it, i am young, but i bet i wouldnt be as happy as i am now. i might get the occasional burst of excitement from retail therapy as my pay rises, and i can go out partying 3-4 times a week, getting happily drunk and making merry, but at the end of the day, i just ruin my health and generally, that kind of happiness is shortlived, forgettable and basically unconstructive to the mind, body and soul in the long run.

what we should be looking for, is ENRICHING happiness. not shortlived happiness, neither should it be self-orchestrated, forgettable (ie retail therapy, partying etc) happiness. happiness that is enriching comes naturally, you might not realize or enjoy the effects immediately, but such happiness comes gradually and when it hits you, it enriches your life and brightens your soul.

think of your life as a burning flame of fire. do you forever want to survive and just depend on the occasional bursts of oxygen to keep the flame going, or do you want to have that trusted somebody/somebodies to constantly add wood to sustain your fire and keep your flame burning stronger and even brighter?

if at this stage of reading til here, you are confused or think that im writing a whole bunch of rubbish, just think back on the time you have spent in your life: how much of it was truly happy? and how much of it you felt belonged to the “my time/that part of my life was wasted” category? did the things that you do really matter in the end?

enlightenment, it is. no pun intended.

it is a complex concept, no doubt. but nobody ever told you life was easy.

we will never have all the time in the world. but how you choose to spend it, tells a whole lot about you to others, and most importantly, to yourself.

if i were to think back for myself, i will say that what i had done – my graduation, working life, was really pretty much forgettable and unimpactful to my life compared to the past 3 yrs. what i am not implying, is that people only are happier if they have their own families with kids.

what i am saying is that, i feel that these 3yrs of time spent with my family is the most well-spent comparing to everything else (besides my childhood). these are the times that i will carry with me til the day i breathe my last. these hours, minutes and seconds that piece together every single precious memory, has enriched my life and made me a better person than i was. this, is the time i will never regret spending and i wouldnt considered it lost time because it has become a part of me.

and i just wanna say, i love you – mr ho shi an. thank you for being a part of my life.

love always,
fifi

 

 

 

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